Colin & Devon

Yes, even I get one (Devon too). On November 24th of 2003, I got broadsided on Robert Road in Slidell, LA. By an uninsured old fart from Mississippi, driving a car that he did not own, who wanted to get back home to watch a TV show or eat his Pizza before it got cold. So he dashed out of a Pizza Hut Drive-Thru window at full speed without looking first. I gues driving a stylin piece of crap like a Ford Anal Probe he figured he would move so quickly and stealthily that he would slide rigth by traffic - instead he slid right into it.Devon was only 10 at the time and is still the youngest Squish-ee on record. I still wear the jacket I wore that night and I have become a true believe in HJC Helmets and Barney's Leathers thanks to that experience. I ended up with a crushed ankle,a broken collarbone, and three broken ribs. All of which were missed by the doctors at Nothshore Hospital. Always ask to be taken to Slidell Memorial if you are hurt in this area - your life may depend on it. Devon had her wrist sprined and thankfully that was all the injury she suffered. I grabbed her and pulled her on top of myself at the last moment and she only hit the concrete after cushioning her fall with my body. When one of the weiners grandkids pointed and laughed at me lying in a bloody pool with a crushed leg she smashed his nose until it bled. Two huge black men who happened to ride cruisers had seen the whole thing and ran to help. They pulled my bike off of me, freeing my leg and then they pulled Devon off the turd's grandson. The turd's name was Louis Raguer and anyone with information on his whereabouts please email me. The turd that smacked us - well being from Mississippi (out of state), the Slidell Police let him get his uninsured butt back into the Ford anal probe he hit me with and tool away with nothing more than a $373 fine for his transgression. In the end, it turns out that both he and the cars owner had given false addresses and made themselves very scarce. My attempts to get the Attourney General of Mississpi to follow up met with the usual runaround about not having jurisdiction, etc... These are things to keep in mind when you get smacked - Make sure your brothers hold the perp until the cops arrive and if he's uninsured...

Jerome and Yolanda

Jerome and Yolanda Holmes were run over on a church bike ride while they were attending "The Harvest" church in Slidell, La. This qualifies the BOTH for a Squished Tomato. What makes this even stranger is that they were run over by a car AFTER being clipped by another bike. It seems that the "pastor" of this fine protestant church rear ended him, knocking his rear wheel out from under him. After Jerome and Yolanda were thrown to the pavement in a 70mph low-side onto the grooved concrete pavement on I-12 in Batron Rouge, in heavy traffic. They slid along the concrete nicely as Yolanda's el-cheapo PVC jacket alternated between melting and granulating then embedding itself into her left arm and breast. Jerome was well padded but even his thin Jacket was soon eaten through and he looked as though he had been given a botched copy of my shoulder to shoulder wings by a drunk prision tattoo artist. Just about the time it seemed things were going to be somewhat less than hellish, the minister unlocked his rear brake and stopped decelrating. Since Jerome's bike had ceased moving, this had the same effect as if he had slammed open the gas and he quickly closed the 100ft gap that had widened between the bikes and launched his bike off of Jerome's Volusia like Robbie Kenievel angry and on crack. He landed squarely on Yolanda's shouler with his rear wheel, breaking her arm in a multiple places. The pavement ran with their blood. The minister and his wife were then thrown from their bucking steed by his continued innability to accomplish basic motorcycle handling. Jerome and Yolanda are both former US Marshalls, who since Katrina have opened a coffe shop in New Orleans called the Urban Cup Cafe. You can visit them there for a great cup of coffee, or some of the best Mango Gespacho on the planet. They now attend a Catholic Church in New Orleans whose pastor dosen't pretend he can ride.

Brother Crash

Two Squished Tomatoes for Brother Crash, who has managed to get himself run over by cars twice now. The most spectaculare of which was being plowed over by a bunch of drugged up gangbangers under the Bullard exit sign in New Orleans east on I-10. If his sister who was a nurse comming off shift from Tulane University had not stopped to check on him I doubt anyone would have stopped. The kids that rear ended him certianly didn't. The bike slid over 400 ft along the wall and according to the one person that called the police he was in the middle lane doing baout 75mph when he was rear ended by a Lexus weaving in and our of traffic going between 95-100mph. He and the bike flew across the left lane of traffic and into the retaining wall where he did a headplant and then proceeded to leave a helmet mark along the wall for about 30 feet that can still be seen today. He spent several months hospitalized and almost a year recovering, He now has a metal legbone in his right leg to show for his trouble. Seems that though the drivers could afford a blinged out Lexus with spinning hubcaps they simply could not be bothered to carry insurance. So he ended up at charity hospital in New Orleans, jobless and broken. Before that, a grannie had failed to notice him and simply knocked him down with her Buick at about 20mph - he rolled like a rag doll in the gravel but it just doesn't hold the luster and appeal of the much more thourough squishing he would receive later. Now of course - he is called "Brother Crash" for a reason - though he only gets Squished Tomatoes for two of his crashes he does crash better than anyone else I've ever known.